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Number-One Idiot of 2006
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at
the poison control center. Today, a woman called in very upset because she
caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the
ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into
the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened
to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to
kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the
emergency room right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number-Two Idiot of 2006
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to
steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it
out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the
river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It
turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon
that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at
Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number-Three Idiot of 2006
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the
branch and wrote, "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While
standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry
that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before
he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed
the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line,
he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising
from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor,
told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written
on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out
a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat
defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes
later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it
anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number-Four Idiot of 2006
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received
in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment,
he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he
received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time
of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
Smartbutt. But you still get a sign
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number-Five Idiot of 2006
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded
all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a
bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on
the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the
cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The
robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because
she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's
license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it
over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in
the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier
promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that
he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number-Six Idiot of 2006
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved,
the startled first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't even deserve a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number-Seven Idiot of 2006
It seems that this Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He
decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window,
grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over
his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him
unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of
plexi-glass. The whole event was caught on videotape. Yep, here's your
sign.
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at
the poison control center. Today, a woman called in very upset because she
caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the
ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into
the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened
to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to
kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the
emergency room right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number-Two Idiot of 2006
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to
steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it
out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the
river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It
turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon
that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at
Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number-Three Idiot of 2006
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the
branch and wrote, "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While
standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry
that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before
he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed
the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line,
he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising
from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor,
told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written
on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out
a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat
defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes
later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it
anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number-Four Idiot of 2006
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received
in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment,
he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he
received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time
of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
Smartbutt. But you still get a sign
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number-Five Idiot of 2006
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded
all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a
bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on
the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the
cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The
robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because
she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's
license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it
over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in
the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier
promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that
he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number-Six Idiot of 2006
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved,
the startled first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't even deserve a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number-Seven Idiot of 2006
It seems that this Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He
decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window,
grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over
his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him
unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of
plexi-glass. The whole event was caught on videotape. Yep, here's your
sign.
