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USEFUL HOLIDAY EATING TIPS....
>
>1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table
>knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave
>immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
>
>2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt
>scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You
>can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that
>it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn
>into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for
>me. Have two. It's later than you think.
>It's Christmas!
>
>3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy.
>Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed
>potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
>
>4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or
>whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car
>with an automatic transmission.
>
>5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your
>eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other
>people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
>
>6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's.
>You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.
>This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet
>table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
>
>7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted
>Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near
>them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of
>attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them
>behind, you're never going to see them again.
>
>8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each.
>Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin.
>Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert?
>Labor Day?
>
>9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory
>celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some
>standards.
>
>10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or
>get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips;
>start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
>
>Remember this motto to live by:
>
>"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
>safely in an attractive and well preserved body,but rather to skid in
>sideways, chocolate in one hand , martini in the other, body thoroughly
>used up, totally worn out and Screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!
>
>1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table
>knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave
>immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
>
>2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt
>scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You
>can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that
>it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn
>into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for
>me. Have two. It's later than you think.
>It's Christmas!
>
>3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy.
>Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed
>potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
>
>4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or
>whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car
>with an automatic transmission.
>
>5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your
>eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other
>people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
>
>6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's.
>You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.
>This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet
>table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
>
>7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted
>Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near
>them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of
>attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them
>behind, you're never going to see them again.
>
>8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each.
>Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin.
>Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert?
>Labor Day?
>
>9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory
>celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some
>standards.
>
>10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or
>get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips;
>start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
>
>Remember this motto to live by:
>
>"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
>safely in an attractive and well preserved body,but rather to skid in
>sideways, chocolate in one hand , martini in the other, body thoroughly
>used up, totally worn out and Screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!
