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Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."
--Author Unknown
"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
--Drew Carey
"The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. If you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
-- Jeff Foxworthy
"I think this is how Chicago got started: Bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime
and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"
--Richard Jeni
"If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
--Johnny Carson
"My parents didn't want to move to Florida , but they turned sixty and that's the law."
--Jerry Seinfeld
"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan "
--A. Whitney Brown
"Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer."
- W. C. Fields
And lastly: Why in
should I have to Press 1 for English? 
--Author Unknown
"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
--Drew Carey
"The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. If you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
-- Jeff Foxworthy
"I think this is how Chicago got started: Bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime
and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"
--Richard Jeni
"If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
--Johnny Carson
"My parents didn't want to move to Florida , but they turned sixty and that's the law."
--Jerry Seinfeld
"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan "
--A. Whitney Brown
"Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer."
- W. C. Fields
And lastly: Why in
should I have to Press 1 for English? 
