[X] My Assistant

[star]

Im positive someone was following Filter around and wrote this.....

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses On
> And Point A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow
> Down.
>
>
> 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your
> Voice!
>
>
> 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They
> Want Fries With That.
>
>
> 4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once
> Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch
> To Espresso.
>
>
> 5. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For
> Marijuana '.
>
>
> 6. Skip Down The Hall Rather Than Walk And See How Many
> Looks You Get.
>
>
> 7. Order A Diet Water Whenever You Go Out To Eat, With A
> Serious Face.
>
>
> 8. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To
> Go'.
>
>
> 9. Sing Along At The Opera.
>
>
> 10 Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't
> Attend Their Party Because YouHave A Headache.
>
>
> 11 When The Money Comes Out Of The ATM, Scream 'I Won!
> I Won!'
>
>
> 12 When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking
> Lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're
> Loose!'
>
>
> 13. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The
> Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
>
>
>
>
>
>
> And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity
>
>
>
> 14. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE
> COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.

[dipstick]

Good Ones. Here's a poem I found.

MAINTAINING SANITY CAN DRIVE YOU CRAZY
Copyright, © 1997, 1998 Sarge Lintecum

I was weaving a basket for therapeutic effect,
But my necktie somehow got woven in.
Wearing a basket on your chest isn't therapeutic,
Still, the self help game I was determined to win.

I was complementing myself while looking in a mirror.
Then I invited myself to have a friendly drink.
My reflection got drunk and tried to start a fight.
We were gonna fight but no one ever blinked.

I was sitting on the floor in the lotus position
Tto meditate upon my inner self
But my legs went to sleep and wouldn't straighten,
Which left me about the size of an elf

I was making a list of all my faults and attributes
To try to prove that, heck, I'm not so bad.
I guess I should have started with the attributes;
######! Sometimes I really make me mad.

I've heard about a new form of self therapy
I was going to try it for my mental health
But it's been several weeks and I haven't tried it
You see I'm still not speaking to myself.

THE END

[steelrunner83]

Im positive someone was following Filter around and wrote this.....

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses On
> And Point A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow
> Down.
>
>
> 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your
> Voice!
>
>
> 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They
> Want Fries With That.
>
>
> 4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once
> Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch
> To Espresso.
>
>
> 5. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For
> Marijuana '.
>
>
> 6. Skip Down The Hall Rather Than Walk And See How Many
> Looks You Get.
>
>
> 7. Order A Diet Water Whenever You Go Out To Eat, With A
> Serious Face.
>
>
> 8. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To
> Go'.
>
>
> 9. Sing Along At The Opera.
>
>
> 10 Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't
> Attend Their Party Because YouHave A Headache.
>
>
> 11 When The Money Comes Out Of The ATM, Scream 'I Won!
> I Won!'
>
>
> 12 When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking
> Lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're
> Loose!'
>
>
> 13. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The
> Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
>
>
>
>
>
>
> And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity
>
>
>
> 14. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE
> COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.

Those are pretty good!

[P-Dogg]

Those are good. I gotta write a couple of those down.

[ponyboy]

good ones ...........