[X] My Assistant

[dipstick]

Do you ever wonder what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day???

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My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.

Sorry!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.

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Looking back over the years
that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...
"What the hell was I thinking?"

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Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.

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How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?

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I always wanted to have someone to hold,
someone to love.

After having met you ..
I changed my mind.

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I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.

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As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

That you're not here to ruin it for me.

#################################
Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.

*************************************************
Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee , Kentucky & West Virginia )

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Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!

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When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

I'm so miserable without you

it's almost like you're here.

==============================
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father is?

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.

))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay

[oldmancrash]

[P-Dogg]

Those are pretty good.