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A bleeding-heart liberal wrote a letter to the White House complaining about the treatment of captives taken during the war.
Below is a copy of the response.
________________________________
From: The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, D.C.
Dear Concerned Citizen:
Thank you for your recent letter criticizing our treatmentof Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. The administration takes these matters seriously, and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington. You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like you, we are creating a new Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" Program, or by the acronym LARK.
In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care.
Your detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation to your residence next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (he is usually called “Ahmed,” which is pronounced “achhh-med”) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of admonishment. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter.
Although Ahmed is sociopathic and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as the "attitudinal problem" found amongst detainees will help him overcome this character flaw.
Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences.
Your adopted terrorist is proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. He is also quite expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless you feel this might offend him!
Ahmed will not wish to interact with your wife or daughters; he views females as a subhuman form of property.
This is a particularly sensitive subject for him. He has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the dress code he considers appropriate, but I'm sure that over time they will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the bhurka.
Just remind them that it is all part of respecting his culture and his religious beliefs.
Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you inform us of the proper ways to do our jobs.
Take good care of Ahmed, and good luck!
Cordially,
Donald Rumsfeld
Secretary of Defense
A bleeding-heart liberal wrote a letter to the White House complaining about the treatment of captives taken during the war.
Below is a copy of the response.
________________________________
From: The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, D.C.
Dear Concerned Citizen:
Thank you for your recent letter criticizing our treatmentof Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. The administration takes these matters seriously, and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington. You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like you, we are creating a new Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" Program, or by the acronym LARK.
In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care.
Your detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation to your residence next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (he is usually called “Ahmed,” which is pronounced “achhh-med”) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of admonishment. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter.
Although Ahmed is sociopathic and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as the "attitudinal problem" found amongst detainees will help him overcome this character flaw.
Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences.
Your adopted terrorist is proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. He is also quite expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless you feel this might offend him!
Ahmed will not wish to interact with your wife or daughters; he views females as a subhuman form of property.
This is a particularly sensitive subject for him. He has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the dress code he considers appropriate, but I'm sure that over time they will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the bhurka.
Just remind them that it is all part of respecting his culture and his religious beliefs.
Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you inform us of the proper ways to do our jobs.
Take good care of Ahmed, and good luck!
Cordially,
Donald Rumsfeld
Secretary of Defense
